Survivor to Survivor is a documentary-style resource guide that serves as a visual toolkit of help and resources available in North Carolina. This website features step-by-step advice from domestic violence survivors, victim advocates, judges, police, attorneys, and other professionals familiar with domestic violence laws and practices specific to North Carolina.

The following advice emerged from a support group for battered mothers in Minnesota who have experienced protracted custody litigation involving their male abusers:

1. Trust us. We are telling the truth.

• Coercive controlling violence is common in protracted custody or visitation battles. We don't make up false allegations of domestic violence to get leverage in family court. In fact, many times speaking the truth about the violence in our lives works against us.

2. Stick with us and stick up for us.

• We have all worked with professionals who ultimately capitulated to the harassment and abuse of our ex-partners.

3. Don't let our ex-partners frighten or bully you.

• They broke us down; don't let it happen to you.

4. Don't collude with our abusers.

• Resist the urge to side with the more "charming" party; batterers use charm and other tactics to effectively manipulate the people around them.

5. Remember the context of violence in which we lived before judging us.

• Behaviors that appear "crazy," "uncooperative," or even self-sabotaging are, in fact, our efforts to survive our abusers' coercive control.

6. Learn about coercively controlling behaviors.

• Not only are those tactics used against us, but they are also used to manipulate the family court system.

7. Recognize and validate all the forms of abuse that are used to control us.

• Emotional, verbal, mental, financial, sexual, spiritual abuse and other forms of violence can be equally as traumatic and damaging as physical abuse.